Appropriate Signs In Pubs

Pubs are places of entertainment and not really just for serious drinking, so many Landlords try to make for light hearted surroundings by putting up funny signs such as the following; -

“A wife says "My husband never spends any time with me as he always goes straight out after he gets home from work, so when I die I want to be buried under the pub...............because, then, I know, he will come and see me and spend lots of time with me every day!”

Business Hours
Open most days about 10 or 9, occasionally as early as 7, but some days as late as 12 or 1.
We close about 5-30 or 6, occasionally 4 or 5, but sometimes as late as 11 or 12. Some days or afternoons we aren't here at all and lately I've been here just about all the time except when I'm someplace else, but I should be here then too!

(Notice In Pub By Phone.)
Charges For Answering The Telephone to Wives And Girlfriends;-

Perhaps the most popular sign concerns the rules of the pub. This comes in several forms with the two most common types concerning a make believe old fashioned set rules of the Inn/Tavern worded around practices of a couple of hundred years ago that now seem quaint and funny to us and the other type concerns a silly way of getting across quite sensible points about bar etiquette. (Link To Darts Jokes)

Many other signs are hung up by landlords deliberately to get over a serious message as well, but also to have a bit of fun. Two such signs can be found in a couple of restaurant type pubs that are intended to deter stray children being left unattended. The signs hung over the bar read, “Any unaccompanied children will sold to the circus. Ugly ones will be taken outside and shot!” The other sign reads, “Any unaccompanied children will be sliced and fried and served with chips!”

However, some signs that are put up in pubs are meant to be serious warning signs and they are

simply inappropriately worded for the places they are put. I know that my mind doesn’t work like other peoples, hence my continued treatment for long term mental illness, but I do seem to see humour in everyday events and surroundings whereas others don’t appear to notice it and so this little piece then concerns one or two inappropriate signs seen in some of the pubs that I have been in during the course of darts matches; -

We have all seen the common warning sign in the gent’s toilets saying – “Wet Floor,” and it is an old joke to say that most people still use the urinals provided after reading the sign.

Humour comes from a slightly different angle with the warning sign on one door of the gent’s toilets in a club that I regularly use. The gent’s has an external door out into the club and an internal door into the urinals and general toilets area. As you go through the external door, there’s a sign on the inner door, which says, “Beware of uneven floor!” That is OK as long as the light, that is supposed to come on, upon entry, does so, else you can’t see to read the sign warning of an uneven floor as you walk over it!

At tonight’s darts match I saw the best one yet though, also in the gents toilets, which was a completely new one me. The warning sign was on a bold, yellow, metal, warning plaque that read, “If you smell gas call this number immediately!” Admittedly it was on the gas meter, but I thought it was still rather appropriate for the gent's toilets!