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Ode To A Publican

Dedicated to our Treasurer, Tony Hall the ex-landlord of the Bankhouse At Hixon.

Oh, you are a publican
And you shine like a star
As you furkle in your drip tray
Behind your well kept bar!

And you’re very welcoming
As of course, you know
Your pub’s very handy
If there’s nowhere else to go!

You serve up a frothy pint
It really must be said
That nobody does it better
You give a lovely head!

Because your pipes are very clean
And you keep a tidy cellar
Your kitchen’s very spotless
You’ve got no salmonella!

Since your pub grub is tasty stuff
Your menu can’t be faulted
You’ve got pork scratchings, by the ton
And your nuts are ready salted!

Your burgers are such tasty ones
Your lasagne’s beyond belief
Everything is nice, served in a trice
With chips and a lettuce leaf!

And what about all your pies
They are quite unique
In fact they’re very valuable
Since they are antiques!

Your optics, they are always full
Just the way they oughta
Filled with lots of lovely booze
And not a trace of water!

And when it comes to cocktails
You are fine and dandy
You can add lager to some lime
And you can also mix a shandy!

Your clientele are so refined
So quiet, they all sit
They never, ever get blind drunk
And they never, ever spit!

Argue and then have a fight
Throw tables and swear too
The customer’s are well behaved
They leave that stuff to you!

So here’s to a brilliant publican
Let’s raise a glass and toast
And give cheers, to free beers
Donated by a top class host!