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There
was a monk from Siberia
Whose morals were somewhat inferior.
He did to a nun
What he shouldn’t have done,
And now she’s a Mother Superior.
There
was a young lady from Dee
Who slept with each man she did see.
Should it come to a test
She wished to be best,
And practice makes perfect, you see.
An
unfortunate pirate called Bates
Liked to fandango on skates.
But he fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
There
was a young man from Rangoon
Who farted and filled a balloon.
The balloon went so high
That it stuck in the sky,
Which was tough for the Man in the Moon.
An
unfortunate chap from Port Said
Once fell down a toilet and died.
His unhappy mother
She fell down another;
And now they’re interred side by side.
There
was a gardener from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
Great tufts of grass
Sprouted from his arse
And his balls were covered in weeds.
A
fellow from ‘round Wookie Hole
Had a torrid affair with a mole.
Though surely a nancy,
He did rather fancy
Himself in the dominant role.
A
worried lad from Istanbul,
Discovered red marks on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
“Get out of my clinic,
And wipe off the lipstick you fool!”
There
was a maiden from Thrace
Whose corsets grew too tight to lace.
Her mother said, “Nelly,
There’s things in your belly
That never got in through your face.”
A
forward young man with a fiddle
Asked a young fan, “Do you diddle?”
She replied, “Yes I do,
But prefer it with two –
It’s twice as much fun in the middle.”
An
innocent maid from Penzance
Decided to take just one chance.
So she let herself go
In the lap of her beau,
And now all her sisters are aunts.
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